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Anger is the bodyguard of sadness

Today I am sad. I heard some news yesterday about a dear friends fiancé who died in a tragic accident. During my coach training one of the things that I learned was that sadness is such a powerful and important emotion and yet we will do almost anything to not have to feel it.

Liza Palmer said that ” anger is the bodyguard of sadness”. I get that, because I use to not like to pass through, yet alone sit for a time in that place of sadness. It is uncomfortable. Why, because many of us were not taught how to live in sadness. We got the message that to talk about sadness or display that emotion made other people uncomfortable. So instead of sharing our feelings or being okay with sitting in that place of sadness we watch people get angry, or move in to denial, or self medicate, anything not to have to feel sadness.

Today I allow myself to be in sadness. I allow myself to be vulnerable and feel the heaviness and darkness that comes to me in sadness. I no longer try to race through it with platitudes and “snap out of it” dialogue. I allow myself to ponder and reflect and feel the feelings of confusion and longing and the tenderness that sadness can bring. It allows our heart to know it is hurting for a loss is being felt.

One day when I was walking in the woods with my husband we found a large ragged shaped rock. We wrote on one side sadness and on the other side joy. I still have it in a place where we can see it each day. What it reminds me is that all emotions are important. That when I can allow myself to feel the sadness without needing to editorialize, but just sit with it, it will eventually meld in to a place where I can feel joy. For in those moments of moving through sadness, I find gratitude for all that is good and positive and yes joyful.

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